Cloverfield (2008) -- Imagine if a monster-attacks-city movie didn't follow the real people involved (the scientists, military, president of the USA, etc.) but instead focused on four or five of the most vacant, obnoxious, self-centered, annoying people put on the screen in a long while. Now imagine that the whole thing is being shot on video by a goof named Hud. Whenever he gets near the monster or anything exciting, we get the merest whiff of it before Hud swings his cam-corder toward his soulless pals, yelling "Yo Rob, hey dude Rob, hey Rob, look over here, hey Rob, dude, yo Rob, dude" all the while. Welcome to Cloverfield. As viewers, we feel that we're getting a real action movie stolen from us. The movie is only an hour fifteen minutes, which is a partial blessing except that the first twenty minutes is spent at a stupid party for Rob the Dickhead and the remaining minutes become even more ridiculous. The ending decides to rip off (not homage) The Blair Witch Project even more than it was already doing before the screen finally goes black. J.J. Abram's -- hot off of Lost -- -put his name on this thing as producer and fooled lots of folks (including me) into wasting their time.
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